Confessions of a Chronic Church Latecomer

As I stood up from my mattress around 08:05 AM, there was one thing I was sure of — I was going to be very late to church, as usual! Not because 55mins wouldn’t be enough to take my bath, grab a cereal to eat and order a ride down but because instead of going straight to the bathroom, the first thing I do is to check WhatsApp if any messages were waiting for me — there never are but, of course, I refresh a couple of times before moving on to checking people’s status; before I know it, the time is 08:30 AM already and guilt is coming over me that the first thing I did when I woke was not productive so what do I do? I open “rise” — an investment app, to see if a dot is rising than my investment or otherwise. Either way, I do the dollar conversion to naira — now finally, something productive! Do you know hard multiplication is? Don’t even try me.

It doesn’t end there sha, I have some QDX na, what is the market saying? Ermm… the KuCoin Ife advised me to buy last year, wetin dey occur for that side too? After all this merry-go-rounding, the time is 09:00 AM — the exact time service starts but who cares: at least I have done something productive but I can’t just go like that na — something must definitely be happening on Twitter but the question is: what did I put on Twitter for something to happen. By 09:15AM, I finally drag myself to the bathroom.

09:27 AM, I am out of the bathroom clueless of the next steps — order bolt or dress up. Dressing up takes another 10mins, my melancholy brain is finally ready to order a ride, a few gbas gbos here and there — I finally get an overpriced driver going my way.

10:30 AM, I am finally in Church, Sabbath school is almost over — maximum 5minutes because the same thing happens every Sabbath.

Conclusion

I have absolutely no reason to be late to church even though my goal for the first quarter of the year is to ensure I make it to church every Sabbath whether late or not but considering the list of activities I do before going to church, I could do them after service. This is me publicly committing to going to church early from now on. If a dot likes, it should rise more than my investment — God will take care of me.

Credits

Oyeleke Ibukunoluwa — Editor